mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
