We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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