she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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