"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
