Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
you inspire me to be a worse person
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
