I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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