I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
