i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
