I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
