She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
my being single is dangerous.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
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