As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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