I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
