Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I want to be your penis for a week.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
