nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
