He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
worst night to have a conscience
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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