i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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