This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
