true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
