3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
