I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
