Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Plan B is the new Plan A
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Randomize
