I intend to get homeless drunk
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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