It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
