sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
