Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Success! We fucked roommates!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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