He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
