God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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