I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
there was a trapeze. enough said
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
