Swine flu. Run for my life!
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
