Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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