he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
