So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Randomize
