she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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