i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
