my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
