I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
