dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
And then my night got REAL pukey
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
