apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I looked at my own cervix.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
