The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
