The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
