What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
