Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
