omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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