I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
