I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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