the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
