I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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