He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
