I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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