I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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