If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
